First, let me apologize for not giving an update for yesterday. I just wasn’t able to find the time. Turns out that having a pretty sick little kid in the hospital, is fairly demanding of your time.
Yesterday was a busy day for little Jackson! He started his morning off getting a hefty dose of Fentanyl and then getting his little chest all closed up. I was still a little bummed out that they wouldn’t let me watch; so goes life I guess. It’s a procedure that they do at the bedside. The nurse was telling us about how they close off the hallway in front of Jackson’s room, and put up all these huge sterile drapes, and then they don’t let anyone walk by until the procedure is done. Jackson was pretty groggy after that- which is to be expected. They started to bring him out of his cloudy state of mind, and tried some spontaneous breathing trials. They basically turn the ventilator off and see how well he would breath on his own. Prior to that the ventilator was setup on an assist/control mode; which would allow him to breath on his own when he felt like it, and then the machine would do it for him when he forgot. He was constantly over breathing the ventilator; which was great! When they turned it off, so see if he would breath- he just sat there. He wasn’t going to have anything to do with it. So the respiratory therapist is working with him to teach him how to breath again. Megan said she would have a sit down with him and tell him that he needed to breath. We’ll see which one works better 🙂
Jackson’s bilirubin level was starting to get a little high (very common for children who start feeding’s late in their life), so they have put him on a bili-blanket and under a bili-light. These two things help Jackson’s body break down the excess bilirubin in his blood stream. You can read a little about what bilirubin does in the body here.
We spent a couple hours with him in the morning and then ran some other errands around town. We have been lucky enough to procure a room at the Ronald McDonald House. For those of you who don’t know what that is I’ll take a minute. They RMH is a large apartment style building that has about 25 rooms for families with kids in the SLC area receiving inpatient or outpatient medical care. It’s very cheap housing, and they offer occasional meals and things. It’s been way nice for Megan and I. We met a couple who is staying in the room next to ours who is from Idaho Falls, and have a cute little boy receiving care at Primary’s as well. You can read about them here. Anyhow, the house here as a kitchen facility that is full of food that we can help our selves too, laundry, TV, a small movie library. I can’t describe the feeling that we get when we come here. The staff take great pride in this house. There is almost a sacred feeling here, similar to the one we get at Jackson’s bedside.
I have been thinking a lot about the Atonement lately. So often we get into a mind set that the Atonement is only used for remission of sins. I think that it is used for so much more than that. It is used for the sinned against, to help them give forgiveness. It is used by the sinner, to help them get forgiveness. It is used by Megan and I, to help us understand why our first born son has figuratively been asked to walk to the gates of hell and back. I can’t describe the many emotions I feel when I think about our little man laying in a hospital bed with his chest wide open. As I think of Christ and the infinite atonement, I am reminded that there is wisdom and love in all things around us. There must be a reason why we have all been asked to endure such a trial. Having to walk the path that we are on helps me to love my son and my wife more and more as the days go by. I have spoken before of the sacred feeling at Jackson’s bedside. There is power from above there that none of us can see, but many of us can feel. The loving arms of our Savior are continually around our son, and I can feel it.
Stay strong little man, we love you.